(Source: opalent, via vans-and-spraytans)
My mother texted me saying dinner was on the stove. She never cooks so it was a nice suprise.When I got home after work I saw a pot on the stove,thinking it was pasta I quickly opened it. Inside there was a Mcdonalds bags… I knew it was too good to be true, atleast I got some nuggets.
(via pizza)
From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
(via vagina-itch)
today my chemistry teacher was going about a normal lesson but then she stops in mid sentence and says, “does anyone know when the next teen wolf season starts?”
(via pizza)
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
(via pizza)
the only reason i wear all black is so i can absorb the energy from the sun and become the most powerful being on the earth
(via pizza)
its so sad that blind people cant see the internet
*single tear drops down face* thats so beautiful
(via pizza)
Wait guys I don’t know if I can smoke this weed, let me ask my mom first
(via pizza)
tumblr’s all fun and games and then you realize it’s four a.m. and you have three tests tomorrow and you’ve accomplished nothing and your whole life is a lie
